17 Nov The Hating Game – No One Wins
Hatred Image Copyright: nomadsoul1 / 123RF Stock Photo
Here are 4 reasons why you may be stuck playing it:
In the battlefield of intimate relationships feelings often run high but have you ever sat back after a heated argument and wondered how you can end up hating your closest partner? How can such a strong and damaging emotion have any kind of place in a loving relationship? Is your love doomed?
Smash; there goes another illusion
One reason for the hating could be the energy you have consciously or unconsciously been investing in moulding your partner to fit within your idea of a perfect relationship (usually either a copy of, or rebellion from, the relationship under which you grew up as a child). When your partner asserts their right to be their own person, you face an unsettling adjustment to reality.
The key to your happiness
A second reason why your partner may be inspiring such hating in you is if you have given them responsibility for your happiness. Being co-dependent in a relationship – particularly if your relationship happens to be with a narcissist – is a recipe for disappointment and even disaster. You need to work on finding self-belief and satisfaction in areas outside of your relationship. Then, when your partner does make you happy, it is an extra bonus to enjoy.
Why is it never me?
After a blazing row, are you constantly thinking about what your partner has done wrong, how they have fallen short of your expectations and how you have been unfairly treated. It may be easier to point the finger than to look in the mirror but rarely can conflict be laid at the feet of just one person. And when it comes to changing behaviour, you have more control over yourself than your other half.
Are you quick to anger?
Is it only your partner who elicits such feelings of rage or are you easily triggered in other areas of life? We all grow up with different temperaments, largely due to patterns learned in our childhood, and some of us our more easily stressed, angered or upset by the behaviours of others. If that is the case with you, some work on your own reactions may be overdue.
Ending the Hating Game
Hating and blaming may be an easier road to ride than working on yourself, but in the end it will scorch and destroy everything you’ve worked hard for. Having the guts to tackle the ugly truth about your own part in the unhappy dance can lead to real insight and the enrichment of your partnership. Which do you choose? If you, or someone you know, need help with the process, seek a suitably qualified therapist now.